God I was at that restaurant in Annapolis yesterday that serves those 4 lbs milkshakes and these two dudes were just finishing one together and people were asking them for tips and they were like “you have to get like mint chocolate chip or something because if there’s no texture it gets too boring to finish” and all I could keep thinking was that it can only be a matter of time before some god wipes this town off the map and we will have earned it with our disgusting hubris
Everyone who has ever finished one of these will have it weighed against a feather when they die
Doable? Maybe
Listen. After the Burger Incident of 2016 I’ve learned to accept my fragile mortality and live within the boundaries set for humanity by the Universe.
I’m a little nervous but my curiosity is overwhelming~ what, pray tell, is the Burger incident of 2016?
In 2016 the day Pokémon Go came out I worked up a big appetite with my friends and we went to Steak ‘n Shake and I decided that none of the burgers looked big enough which…..I don’t know if I thought the photos on the menu were actual size I don’t know what was going on but
I asked the server for the biggest one they had and she said “that’s the 7×7, it’s not on the menu…you don’t want that”
And immediately my friends knew I was fucked because I felt challenged which I blame on my middle child syndrome and also on that I am by birth just an idiot so I ordered it without knowing competitive food bloggers write entire articles about this thing.
I sort of knew I was in trouble when the cook came to see who’d ordered it but I wasn’t backing down and in the end I ate all 1300 calories and THEN the fries and ALSO my shake and I had to go to my friend’s and take a three hour nap and when I woke up I was so fucked up that I just started eating leaves straight off her mint plant because antacids weren’t going to cut it.
Then I complained for like two days and Ultimately I learned absolutely nothing.
In case anyone wanted a visual for the 7×7
Hubris
When you can’t decided between pride and gluttony so commit both sins at the same time.
This is the only comment allowed now
Committing pride and gluttony together is now officially on the bucket list.
it is pretty hard to find solid statistics on wolf attacks, but as far as i can tell, wolves in north america kill way way way less than one person a year, which means that forces more deadly to us than wolves include: dogs, ice fishing, and getting crushed by a falling flat screen tv.
…further complications to trying to write non-ridiculous angst into a werewolf story
“you don’t understand…i’ve done things under the full moon that i can never take back…one time i ate a squirrel”
“I SNIFFED MY OWN BUTT. THE INDIGNITY HAUNTS ME STILL.”
“i have pooped in the woods and now must go brood about it. don’t try to follow me.
…and seriously, be careful around your flatscreen, it is probably heavier that you think.”
European wolves (before they were hunted into extinction in most areas) attacked humans purposefully a lot; it’s in the historical record.
North American gray wolves have a natural fear of humans and attack people very rarely, really only when threatened or starving.
So like, imagine, like, a divide between people who got infected with Old World and New World lycanthropy. One makes you this dangerous beast that sees humans as a viable food source an another makes you perceive humans as a threat. Imagine people getting it wrong!
Some shady paranormal group capturing a werewolf to use as security but it just runs away when people trespass.
Some hunters go deep into the woods to murder a werewolf clan for their pelts but it turns out they’ve isolated themselves so deeply because they have the European strain and none of the hunters survive.
New werewolves are so confused because the websites give conflicting advice: get yourself to your nearest national park when you’re about to turn and just let yourself run free; if you try to cage yourself the claustrophobia and the smell of people will make you panic and you could really hurt yourself or someone else.
vs
If you’re anywhere near human civilization you must make sure you turn in a closed space that you can’t escape from in wolf form or you’ll definitely kill someone. Just try to take a nap during the full moon, OK.
And they’re like, WHAT DO I DO WHICH ONE DO I HAVE?
case in point, the global werewolf cultural divide!
on the subject of the global werewolf cultural divide, another update, per wikipedia:
Wolves from different geographic locations may howl in different fashions: the howls of European wolves are much more protracted and melodious than those of North American wolves, whose howls are louder and have a stronger emphasis on the first syllable. The two are however mutually intelligible, as North American wolves have been recorded to respond to European-style howls made by biologists (x)
Hey can I just say that it’s utterly fucked that George RR Martin and Patrick Rothfuss are revered as gods of modern fantasy writing when neither of them has been able to produce a book in years and they also can’t write women
plus George RR Martin just copied wars of the roses
and Rothfuss made a legit plot point that Kvothe fucked a fairy for months
I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy these books, because I do, but I am just saying that I read fantasy books 10x better by women all the time.
meanwhile, there are so many female fantasy authors who produce brilliant work, but because it is marketed towards women, it’s either YA or it’s paranormal romance (BOTH OF WHICH I STAN OK) and therefore doesn’t get considered “serious” fantasy even though they have better world building, magic, and writing style than most “masters of the genre.”
like, why is it that fantasy books written about women and by women are ONLY READ BY WOMEN AND MARKETED TO WOMEN, meanwhile fantasy books written by men about men are READ BY EVERYONE AND MARKETED AS THE NORM.
like male fantasy nerds are just sleeping on Ilona Andrews because they write about women and add a romance plot line, meanwhile Kate Daniels is one of the best damn fantasy series I have ever read with some of the best world building and plotting e v e r.
And I’m not implying that authors have to produce 3 books a year to be serious authors, but it’s a bit ridiculous that the fantasy genre and pub industry keeps pushing asoiaf and kingkiller chronicles at us when we don’t even have a date for the sequel. WHY DON’T YOU PROMOTE BOOKS BY WOMEN WHO KNOW HOW TO WRITE GOOD FEMALE CHARACTERS?? WHY NOT PROMOTE FANTASY BOOKS BY AUTHORS OF COLOR??
WHY IS FANTASY ON THE SAME WHITE MAN BULLSHIT ALL THE TIME????
One of my favorite fantasy series of all time is N.K. Jemisin’s Broken Earth trilogy. In which every book in the series has won a fucking hugo award! but do you see it getting the same amount of press that these male fantasy authors do? no. and that pisses me off because her books have such amazing fleshed out female (and male) characters and a complex world.
Jameela: I actually have people come up to me on the street and thank us for the fact that they finally have a way of speaking very inappropriately in front of their children.
Kristen: It’s so interesting. There’s so much behind that. One vowel makes it not okay? That’s so arbitrary. You change it from a “u” to an “o” and all of a sudden everyone’s [relieved].
Ted: There are a couple that you tried saying in one whole session that, even with the changes, it was just a smidge too far. What was it?
Btw there’s a BIG difference between a straight person saying “why can’t these characters just be friends:/ not everything has to be gay you guys”
and an aromantic person expressing a wish for more fandom spaces that don’t place unnecessary importance on romance and act like platonic love is secondary
and y’all need to stop pretending it’s the same thing and being aggressive towards aro people over it
Fact: Romance gets shoved down people’s throats all the time, including people who are romantically attracted, and are in romantic relationships. But it hits aros (and non-aro single people) really hard. It makes people feel like they are worthless without a relationship.
It hurts people. Let them express frustration about it.
Not everything that can be tangentially associated with homophobia is actually homophobic.
I can’t even express an aroace headcanon for a character with zero confirmed attraction to anyone and zero stated orientation without catching shit because people get so invested in shipping and god forbid another person’s headcanon conflict with your own and prevent ur faves from pairing up.
runawaymushroom archive 