The Fantastic Masculinity of Newt Scamander:
“We’ve learned to easily forgive aggression and arrogance in men but to take exceptions at the presence of humility or sensitivity. We are accustomed to seeing men who are quick to violence and slow to diplomacy. Newt is a significant departure from this trend. His version of manhood doesn’t stem from this physical strength or combat skills or feats of daring do or even some preordained mystic destiny like so many other male heroes. He’s sincere, nurturing, emotional, and sensitive. Critically that sensitivity is framed as strength rather than a weakness.”
Tag: hp
The Houses as Video Game Things
Hufflepuff:
Only picking the nice dialogue options. Carrying around way too much stuff because “what if it might be helpful later?” Pausing a fight because you’re about to die and need to use a health potion. Being really good at puzzles and minigames. Balancing your skills so that you do well in a fight, regardless of the circumstances. Never wearing matching armor. Fighting the same enemy over and over again and cheering when you finally beat them. Panicking whenever dark music starts to play. Having to walk everywhere because you’re carrying too much to fast-travel.
Ravenclaw:
Spending 2+ hours on the customize character screen. Getting emotionally attached to the NPCs. Using actual strategy to plan out your quests/fights. Always having a lot of money but never having anything to spend it on.
Spending all of your level-up points in one category.
Never getting caught when you steal things, but only taking small items because you’re afraid that someone will notice if you take something big. Wasting a lot of lockpicks on something that doesn’t even have good items in it. Placing waaay too many manual map-markers because you can never find your destination otherwise.
Slytherin:
Spending too much time on side-quests instead of working on the main objective. Accidentally walking into a ridiculously difficult battle when you’re only level 2. Using long distance weapons to fights the enemies because you’re terrible in close combat. Forgetting what quest you were working on because you got distracted by a hunt for a random object. Actually using resistance potions/spells/e.t.c. Having conversations with companions and unlocking extra quests. Forgetting which buttons on your controller do what and having to spend a couple minutes to figure it out.
Gryffindor:
Forgetting to save and having go way back to the beginning of the quest when you die. Screaming out loud whenever something scary happens. Getting lost in a location that you’ve been to 50+times. Sneaking? What is that? You run straight into the open and hope you won’t die. Not understanding what the different stats for your weapons mean and picking the one that looks the coolest. Always forgetting that you have helpful items and never using them when you need them.
madame maxime~
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The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.”
“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”
“A different hipprogriff.”
“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”
“Prove it.”
no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies
Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book
Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.
Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.
“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!”
“Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.”
“Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!”
“He can’t he needs them to see.”it got better
It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like
You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them
And there is literally no common sense
Anywhere to be found
Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve
Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up
The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.
But, but, but, you know the one person
the one person
who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?
Severus Snape.
Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.
‘Severus, he is my cousin.’
And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it
That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’
and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’
and just
Spare. Snape goes spare.
Picturing Snape as Mr. Crocker from the Fairly Oddparents now.
Gerald White eventually becomes a fully registered animagus. When he turns into his animagus form right in front of Snape, Snape’s bursting at the seams, just pointing at him and spluttering:
‘HE’S A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG – THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.’
And Remus calmly says: “That’s absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, people’s names don’t have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. That’s ridiculous.”
And Snape yells: “Shut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!”
Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.
“Pure coincidence,” Gerald says. “My aunt was into Roman mythology. Has to happen sometimes.” Then he pauses to give Snape an overly concerned look. “Are you alright, Severus? You’re looking a little red.”
fun new thing reblog this and put in the tags what kind of student you’d be at hogwarts !!!
the Hogwarts teachers were my favourite part of the books remember in CoS when they were so sick of Lockhart that they chased him out of the staffroom by reminding him he’d said he could kill Slytherin’s monster in seconds, remember in OotP when they couldn’t tell Harry they approved of his interview so they did wildly extravagant favours for him, like giving him twenty house points for passing a watering can, or bursting into tears and announcing that he’d live a long and happy life? on that note remember how much McGonagall disliked Trelawney and all her little digs, and remember how she ran forward to brace Trelawney as she was being kicked out by Umbridge? remember how McGonagall ran out to defend Hagrid from trained Aurors with nothing but her words and took four Stunning Spells to the chest? remember when she told Peeves how to unscrew the chandelier? i could go on about McGonagall especially for days but i love all of them so much
Remus Lupin: Sirius you did what.
Inspired by this post and others by lotstradamus
#i want the 50k story of facepalming remus and panicked sirius with kidnapped baby harry on the run from dumbledore (via meh-guh)
Ok but hasn’t it been shown that a single stupefy wouldn’t be enough to have an effect on hagrid due to his giant blood?
clearly this means that hagrid pretended that the stupefy knocked him out, gently laid down on the ground so the baby wasn’t jostled, and pretended to snore while sirius ran the fuck away
possibly interrupting himself mid-snore to offer advice
*Hagrid sits up*
“SUPPORT ‘IS LI’IL HEAD, YE GREAT IDIOT!”
*lies down*
*Sirius climbs on motorbike*
*Hagrid sits up again*
“DON’ FERGET TO BURP ‘IM AFTER A FEEDIN!”
*Motorbike zooms off*
*Hagrid sits up, cups hands and yells*
“AN’ MAKE SURE ‘E SLEEPS ON ‘IS BACK!”
*lies down again for another five minutes for good measure*
some boys casually running into each other out in diagon alley…..
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Harry Potter aesthetics
Ravenclaw: Values intelligence, scared of not being good enough, detached, organised mess, needs caffeine, eye bags bigger than the grand canyon, rain, just watch me, flowers, pastel colours, watercolours, knitted sweaters, witty, can be really blunt, sexually attracted to stationary, conspiracy theories, quick reflexes, jokes through pain, clumsy, hair tied up with pencils, “fucking fight me”, random midnight sketches and designs that you’ll never understand when you wake up but look hella sick
Hufflepuff: Kind but also salty, hot chocolate, getting to sleep on time, also staying up because wtf is organisation I need to do this essay, over using dramatic pauses, random snacks, teamwork, doodles down your entire arm, cacti, pins and patches, really bright Colours, can be positive but also greatly negative, really small phobias that they don’t notice but are there when they want to be, bravery when it comes to what’s right
Gryffindor: Doesn’t think before acting, is the thin line between bravery and stupidity, all nighters just for the hell of it, random phobias that make no sense but kind of do, pride, sporty, but also kind of lazy, more reliant than independent, those weird thoughts you get in the shower, lives off spite, movie marathons, power naps, could sleep upside down just because they wanted to nap, Snapbacks, learns new sports just to seem cool, most of them are actually just fucking dorks
Slytherin: Tea, sarcastic, self deprecating, strong, independent, studies like hell, strategic, gymnastics, tattoos, storms, bright neon lights, maps, plans everything, graffiti, stargazing, oversized shirts, upcycling, high knee socks, “check mate motherfucker”, geometry, smashed glass, quick witted (alas I admit it), savage, poker, Polaroids, no time management, creative, weird acronyms for everything, memelords, EDGY, whistling, aliens, unsolved mysteries, fog
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